¡Tejo!

Here’s a little insider info for all you aspiring entrepreneurs and investors out there: Tejo could be the next big thing pretty much anywhere in the world, with a few minor logistical adjustments to make it developed world friendly. It’s a bit like cornhole, but at least 3.8 times cooler and more fun. The basic idea is that you have two angled wooden boards some distance away from each other, much like a cornhole set up, but here’s where it differs: there is a thick layer of clay over top of these wooden planks, and, depending on the region, there are anywhere from 2 to 6 packets of gunpowder in the center of the clay. Instead of bean bags, you have big hunks of lead that you toss underhand towards the board opposite of yours. If your lead chunk sticks in clay, you get one point; if your lead chunk lands in between the gunpowder packets, you get 3 points; if your lead chunk blows up a gunpowder packet, you get 6 points; and if your lead chunk blows up a gunpowder packet and sticks in the center, you get 9 points. If you don’t believe me, look it up, it’s real.

These gunpowder packets are not small; they sound like a 40 caliber pistol. These lead hunks are not small; they take up your whole palm.

And because, of course, flinging old-lady-dumbbell sized pieces of metal across a room at explosives is not fun enough on its own, so they serve massive quantities of beer. I’m not sure if beer is a requisite-- I never tried to play without it—but I’m pretty sure the rules state that beer is a must. Tejo itself is free to play, and the Tejo establishment makes all its money off beer. The most popular way to order beer is by the milk crate.

Solid form I know... note the beer in hand

It’s a bit like bowling in the states—they even have league play on Thursdays. Mostly men and some women playing a game of leisure and skill while having a valid excuse to drink on a weekday; but don’t let this tale of functional alcoholism fool you, these folks are really good. I have yet to play on the real Tejo court the locals use, I have only used the smaller ones reserved for children, feeble old women, and gringos. In my sessions of Tejo, I have seen a gringo blow something up about 5 times on the small court, which is about what you would expect from an actual player in 10 throws on a court twice the size.

A full sized Tejo court on league night

So put on your thinking caps folks, because just a few caveats keep this game from going global, like how to afford insurance on a business that consists of alcohol, flying metal objects, and explosives; or how to keep lead poisoning to a minimum; or how to get around the fact that people are standing feet away from, basically, gunshots (I caught shrapnel in the shin once, and it stung); or how to get around noise ordinances and the fact that a Tejo field sounds, from a distance, a lot like a re-enactment of the closing scene in Scarface.